Pulchritudinous, But I Digress

My baby she is beautiful, she is so pleasing to me
she is gorgeous all the time,  and I say that reasonably
My honey she is dazzling,
 she is easy on the eye
she's ravishing and fair,
she's graceful, that's no lie

Wait, you say, what's that? You said easy on the EYE
not eyes, which is plural. Are you a one eyed guy?
well yes it's true,
 for years now
I have only had the one
artistically x-ed out, like a mark on a hot cross bun

I don't know why you're surprised; it's not extraordinaire
My first name it is Tim and there's only one i there!
As a matter of fact
 you will never see
two i's  next to each other
even when it's a long sound like 'sign' or 'sing' or 'broither'

Oh no, I am mistaken! 'sing' is not an i sound
it sounds like 'ee' and there's no rule in our language that I found
that says an i
 has to sound like i:
oy, English sure is pliant
did you know that in the word 'broither' the i happens to be silent?

i doesn't have to sound like i, but I should sound like me
or am I now confused between alphabet and uniquity?
that word means uniqueness,
 by the way,
as I so easily discovered
looking at an online urban dictionary as my clicking right hand hovered

man made the words, however it seems words don't make the man
but this man only has one eye, so crooked do I stand
and all that I
 happen to see
only has one fine dimension
so when I speak of my girl's beauty, you may feel apprehension

I assure you, though, my wife is po-so-lu-te-ly bewitching
and when she deigns to look my way I feel my eye a' twitching
I notice you
 looked at her, too--
do you think she saw us?
She's pulchritudinous no doubt; thanks to my thesaurus