A Different Story

My mom 
she's 92, almost 93
she's as healthy as a 92 3/4 year old woman can be
--in the body

her mind is a different story
she has about 10 seconds of short term memory
that means she can't remember what two sentences ago
was in our conversation
for those first 10 seconds, she's a million bucks
then she's barely 10 cents

she walks faster than I do
even though it's with a walker
she takes care of herself, just gets a little help showering
she gets up and down
she eats chocolate

she gives away everything
tonight she was walking down the hall with her dental floss
because she didn't know where it came from
and so she was going to give it to someone
that and two pens, and a sticky note pad and some cream
she loves giving stuff
I have bought three sets of dry erase markers so I could leave her notes
she gives them away to the help

her tv is on CNN constantly
after a week and a half of Paris terror
she still sees the scrawl at the bottom
"22 raids in Belgium net terror suspects" 
and says "what is going on over there!"
and she really doesn't know

I talk to her but
I can't have a conversation with her
I name names on pictures, I write them on the back
but she doesn't know who anyone is anyway

I don't know if I feel worse for her
or for me

she asks me questions that she really wants to know the answer to
(do you have any stamp collectors in your family?
How old are your kids now?)
I answer differently each time because I can't take it
answering the same question 5 times in one 10 minute conversation
kills me

When I gather her clothes to wash
I have to explain why it's important to do laundry
but why do I explain?
she won't remember we talked about it.

I feel like I talk to her like she's a patient 
or a student
or a kid
but she's my mom

I don't want to be frustrated because it's not her fault
but I can't be normal because normal doesn't work

I don't want to feel like not visiting her
but I often do (feel like not visiting her)
she doesn't remember me being there
but she remembers being alone

We're going to Thanksgiving this week
a lot of family will be there
she'll love it
but in the evening, she won't remember the day
at all

I love my mom and that's what keeps me going
God, give me the strength to keep going
Where's the Hallmark movie when you need it?